friend found!

on tuesday i went bowling with my platoon mate from signals called kevin koh. no one else went sadly. so we bowled and since we lived close to each other we shared a cab home and via our conversation we found out that we were classmates for 3 years! in pri1-3. haha its so lucky that i've found him again.

living

i realised what differentiates with me from alot of other people. i really want to enjoy life and live life to the fullest and others either have other considerations or they dont dare. its not about being non-comformist or about being anti-establistment or selfcentred, but its about the decisions you make and the things you are willing to let go and those that you arent. this is an attempt to understand my psyche about life, so it may be inaccurate, and i do admit you may know me better than myself.

i feel that to truly live life, you must set your own parameters for living and enjoyment. dont follow what others feel. if you want to stay at home and read, dont care if its nerdy. if you want to go clubbing, dont care that its poser. i guess the theory of marginal utility (or enjoyment, happiness) applies here, you sacrifice money (or even time if the activity is costless) for the activities you want until the next unit cost equals the next unit of enjoyment and stop there. that's for money i think for time its different since the supply is limited. with your limited supply of time you spend your time on the combination of activities that give you the greatest total utility. i see that alot with the way people plan their time. its planned such that they make full use of their time with many different (or few big) activities. in other words to maximise utility. so much for econs.

ah shit was i making sense.

and you must make your own fun, dont do things if you dont want to. like if your friend tells you to go clubbing and he says you're not cool if you dont go, dont go if you realy dont want to. and we must do things we really love, we mush chase our dreams.

too many times in life we give up our dreams. and we are only limited by 2 factors, society and yourself. first there is society. everywhere we can see the oppression of society. society in singapore has created a one size and type fit all model for success. sadly this permeates society at all levels. in school you are defined by grades, achievements, posts held and cca points. who cares if you had a rich and fulfilling life doing things you love, nurturing meaningful friendships, pursuing knowledge, when at the end of the day 3 main documents sum your achievements in that particular institution. society has made students follow a mould for success based on their overcompetitiveness and terrible affinity for ranking. and comparing.

this spills over to work life too where success is determined by paychecks, cars and houses. who gives a damn bout job satisfaction? and what if your dreams is to have a startup? how many people can find parents who are supportive? not only financially, but emmotionally? they will more likely tell you about all the cons and the risks involved, but hardly will any pat you on the back and say well doen, go for it, take the risk. parents can limit your achievements by this very fact.

and you yourself are your own worst enemy. because of lack of confidence or apathy to your own dreams, you may not wish to step out of your comfort zone and do what you dream of doing. be it going to your dream u, or getting the dream girl (as illustrated in harold and kumar go to white castle), or pursuing your dreams in business or enjoyment. so terrible isnt it

i had no qualms dealing with society's expectations of me because i feel i am confident enough to ignore society in general. society is such a generalisation that it cannot apply to anyone. society is to be ignore in this sense, it cannot ask you to conform. rather you could try making the society around you conform to your vision of utopia. and then life will be easier for everyone. but not anybody can create la costa nostra.

the expectations of my parents i fear because i feel i have alot to live up to. and thus alot of time when i take risks i must weight the consequences of losing. and i am too comfortable with my life to want to take risks sometimes, and do things the harder way. because i've been too lucky sometimes i feel it's not worth it sacrificing my current state of enjoyment to do somethings i've wanted to do for a very long time. it may be laziness, or if more complicated it's complacency, i've done enough, im good enough.

and then i live life to be the best. not necessarily that i must win in everything, but i must be the besti can be for now. to look the best, to eat the best, to do the most fun things, to accomplish as much as i want in the short period of time i have, which now is a weekend. so i spend alot of money on things like clothes because only the best is good enough for me. and food too. but the best might not be the most expensive, and i frequent many food joints where the food is very cheap too. too many peopl care too much about money and are very calculative. i dont believe that you can save a fortune. but you can earn a fortune. it is so hard to get anywhere saving all the small amounts and you get very calculative and stressed thinking about how much you could have saved.i rather spend within my means (sometimes a little extravagantly) but i can say i did what i want to did and im happy. i want to be the best to myself and my friends.

with regards to friends, i only need the best. i dont need friends who ask me to treat them or who dont pay or offer to pay. i mean yeah i dont need your money but i need your respect. im not your father so dont expect to live off me. i dont need friends who use me to boost their egos. telling me how great they are and taking me on their ego trip. i dont need friends to put me down, to make snide remarks and mean it. and i dont need people to discourage me. so stay away if you're going to do any of this.

i live life with a clear idea of what i need and dont need. so i dont need to put up with people i cant stand because i know they will not improve me or my life in anyway. and its very difficult to for me to influence some of them because for my influence they're out of reach.

but i live life knowing what i want to do and pursue it. thought i might give up at times i feel generally in control of my life and decisions. which i dont see in many people, especially the high flyers. they change ideals very quickly, based on the skill of the salesman. in this case scholarship boards, parents or maybe society. i see it happen to some close to me, sign their lives away when previously they were adamant about chasing their dreams. their crystal clear vision of life crumbled in front of the reality of stability and paper- qualifications and stable income.

and lastly i am confident enough to ignore undesirable things, like put downs and discouragement. and i laugh at those who disapprove of me, because i know that they are naive. we must listen to the opinions of others, but there must be a line drawn where we can stop and laugh a criticism off, or else we will be bothered everytime someones makes a remark about us. when we can live life without caring about all this things we can truly be ourselves and enjoy the processes of life, because we do not care about being graded by other people.

and i want to be unique. i feel i need to express myself, and how my special charater and personality. i feel everyone is unique, its whether you wish to express your individuality or be one of the crowd by chasing the same dreams and fitting into the same mould.

tan aik hoong

yesterday night while watching a bar-msc ferrarri 1-2 someone said i was very lazy and asked me to buck up and use my free time at home to go blog. its about bloody time i introduce him, one of the important people in my life, gabriel tan aik hoong.

everytime i think of this clown i can only think about his sad love life. i mean like there are so many choices he can take but he always chooses those that end up unsuitable. the song desperado goes something like there are so many choices laid upon ur table, but you always want the ones that you cant get. i dont know why he cant get them either, he is overqualified boyfriend material for anyone to consider. as you will understand as this wonderful entry unfolds.

firstly he's so talented. i mean i got an underage guy to lead sing 2 out of 3 songs of the band for my post prom party. and im sure he rocked the crowd. and my party. and his friends. but not the one that mattered. so his lead guitar and singing is good. i must say im not too impressed with his song writing because his songs are rather boybandish but his music taste isnt, though many of his friends are impressed. oh well.. and he can play bass too, and drums, so much so that a band in melbourne asked him to play drums for their performance. oh did i forget to mention that he was 'busking' in melbourne at 3am and was given 3bucks? moving on...

and he's a good footballer too man its great having him on your team with his free kicks, great ball possession, pace and long legs, eagerness to fight for balls be it sliding or fighting for headers, and for hitting and abusing those that find trouble with me. thanks dude. and its damn fun to fight against people with your brother haha. and his drive... great man. but his fitness and solo and arrogance and showmanship and pride makes him a liability sometimes, but nobody's perfect. and he tells me his improving. and i know how to make him motivated and play properly, just keep praising him and he'll be very happy. such a simple minded person.

so i'll skip his flair for attracting the gals like bestie, golden balls and now people like the young england players. its so sad with all his skills and intelligence, this clown couldnt do well for results in o's. and he blew his only chance of appeal into ac by going in civis and with dyed hair. what a fool. oh well. now that he's in melbourne i hope he can do well. i mean he tries to study, but his ever energetic and active mind cannot keep at peace. i mean like he goes wisma coffee club to study and half an hour later he and his friend gives up and they head to play pool. great determination and concentration man. i've got to give you a prize for that.

and the best part about our very close friendship, is that we're brothers. i mean we're more friends than brothers, and this might sound stupid but we're more brothers than many other sets of brothers. and we're better friends than many other sets of friends too. i mean like we share everythings lest underwear, girls and tastes. but we share everything else. under the sun and under the moon. like getting chased by police on e same night, drinking, smoking, feeling high, playing soccer, watching soccer, watching movies, eating, shopping, spending cash, cabbing, everything man.

yeah he understands me like no other can, and i understand him to. so back to back against the world together with other people no one can topple us down. not those girls who dont reciprociate his feelings, not the tough exams papers, not the chem teacher who asked him 3 questions that he couldnt answer, not anything man.

we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. time flew by and now the bugger is coming back again! hope he does well for his exams, dont lose too much money, get lucky and buy me the things i need hahaha. and well have fun when u come back bro.

signals and brunei pt 2

haven't blogged in a long time, think i've been quite busy, and lazy. and very tired when i get home. nevertheless i shall try to update u guys on my life these past few weeks.

first i went to brunei! and i was so scared it'll be terrible. the first day sucked i got sick eating the medicine to prevent malaria and stuff, and i was so short of sleep. things were a bit rushed. but luckily as signal cadets we didnt get played around as much as the other cadets.

the first few days we tiring and coring alot of thime spent preparing and moving around. we did river crossing in teams of fours, so compass and pacing courses. and on the fourth day we moved out.

it was so fun being out in the jungle. especially since we had a very fun and good instructor who left alot of things to us and wasnt too anal about many things like wearing helmets. this period outfield was a godsend to us tired and sick of the regimental lifestyle. what i didnt miss: marching, 5bx, reville, lights out, falling in etc. we set our own timings and objectives and wrked hard to reach them. and because most of the ppl in out group were fun and cooperative, we didnt have problems doing alot of things. and we had alot of fun sleeping early and waking up late but covering alot of distance in between. and we had alot of fun eating and talking over the fire.

yup and signals is really not bad. i got to use a calculator and formulae. so happy i can do academic stuff. im totally missing it man. and next week i get to go for poly for 4 days, so i only book in on thurs. haha life is good man. and upon returning to camp the food is improving alot. so the standard of living is really increasing. im making more friends and more easily too now. so i have less problems settling in to the course and booking in is not so bad. and its easier to be enthusiastic when you're happier.

and this week my dear brother is coming back with his winnings. can wait to see him and see how he looks now. and what he's like. even though i only haven't seen him in a few weeks.

and im going out soon so to avoid being late i have to go shower now.

i will try to update my blog more often these few days. i must try..

i must...