OL
last night someone brought me back out from the darkness. pull up the curtain of night and poured the warm, comforting rays of sunshine on me. someone sat next to me at the table and talked to me. not opposite me arguing with me and offering me alternate explantions, or directing me with orders from the head of the table. next to me. maybe held me hand. put a hand on my shoulder.
i won't deny the last 2 and a half weeks have been very tough. i was lost out there. and before i focus this entry on this good (great) friend i have i must thank a few others who have helped as well. mun and weian were able to understand me, but maybe they were not able to comfort me that well. gab was pretty fun in his reactions, and his disgust for some actions reminded me of where his loyalities were. and that he could be wise at his age.
so my dear blinded fierce loyalty olivia. you did something no one else could do. something all these friends who know me more, spend more time with me, and maybe think they have my interests at heard couldn't do. i am really grateful for this friendship i have with you. even though we don't necessarily talk alot or meet alot.
see what olivia could do, which no one else did, was to understand how i felt completely. she responded in a way i would respond. she made me feel that it was ok to be reacting in the manner i reacted. unlike everyone else, who was in her words 'trying to be politically correct'. she attempt to make me feel guilty for the manner i was reacting. she felt sorry for me, and showed me sympathy. how many other people showed me sympathy.
she gave me her understanding without reservations, and without recommendations. alot of people are reserved in their understanding of my situation, judge me without trying to understand how i can feel this way, and then give me a lecture on how i should behave. ollie said "i truly understand how you feel". no one else said that. (but i know at least the 3 guys above understood without reservation)
after that she made me feel good about myself again. not in the cynical way that huiwen put it that i needed sympathy and an ego boost. you think its so simple? someone who can really understand wouldn't even put what olivia did in such simple words. she reminded me who i was. and what i should be now.
then she told me what to do. not just why i should do it like some robotic JC lecturer everyone else has been. but she drew the whole picture out. and helped me understand. and how could i not take the advice and instruction of someone who completely understood me, and did not blame me for reacting in the way i did?
thanks mate!
of course there were other friends who i went to for consolation and support. some tried to understand, but gave me alot of directions and PC advice. some just lectured and couldn't understand why i was feeling this way or acting this way. some judged me and used some really insensitive phrases without thinking if they were really applicable to the situation. alot tried to give advice. some totally failed with the advice. the same way parents are totally useless forcing a kid to study, because he obviously won't. i am that kid. you can't direct me from the other side of the fence. you have to come over first.
and then there are those who didnt offer anything at all.
learning lessons all the time.
-------------------------
mun is damn funny, he said: "must wear adidas, impossible is nothing. stop this nike just do it shit. adidas is the way to go."
tickled me. the power of catch phrases.
-------------------------
went home at 3 on friday morning. was super scared of being killed or something because of mistaken identity. i totally looked like a thai foot soldier, with my hairband hair, chang beer singlet, black jeans and slippers, walking through crown.
-------------------------
had dinner at jennifer's house last night. cooked chicken curry. miss home food.
-------------------------
met daniel's colleague at the market today, a local. he said i was a NZer, or at least that i looked polynesian. haha that's a first.
shop keepers speak to me in thai in bangkok. when i bought my mum's com at sitex the salesman thought yuwei and i were from vietnam. i met some guy in spore who asked if i was local. i ask him what he thought i was and he said i looked like a dark korean. (daniel pointed out correctly that there are no dark koreans. just a generalisation)
i won't deny the last 2 and a half weeks have been very tough. i was lost out there. and before i focus this entry on this good (great) friend i have i must thank a few others who have helped as well. mun and weian were able to understand me, but maybe they were not able to comfort me that well. gab was pretty fun in his reactions, and his disgust for some actions reminded me of where his loyalities were. and that he could be wise at his age.
so my dear blinded fierce loyalty olivia. you did something no one else could do. something all these friends who know me more, spend more time with me, and maybe think they have my interests at heard couldn't do. i am really grateful for this friendship i have with you. even though we don't necessarily talk alot or meet alot.
see what olivia could do, which no one else did, was to understand how i felt completely. she responded in a way i would respond. she made me feel that it was ok to be reacting in the manner i reacted. unlike everyone else, who was in her words 'trying to be politically correct'. she attempt to make me feel guilty for the manner i was reacting. she felt sorry for me, and showed me sympathy. how many other people showed me sympathy.
she gave me her understanding without reservations, and without recommendations. alot of people are reserved in their understanding of my situation, judge me without trying to understand how i can feel this way, and then give me a lecture on how i should behave. ollie said "i truly understand how you feel". no one else said that. (but i know at least the 3 guys above understood without reservation)
after that she made me feel good about myself again. not in the cynical way that huiwen put it that i needed sympathy and an ego boost. you think its so simple? someone who can really understand wouldn't even put what olivia did in such simple words. she reminded me who i was. and what i should be now.
then she told me what to do. not just why i should do it like some robotic JC lecturer everyone else has been. but she drew the whole picture out. and helped me understand. and how could i not take the advice and instruction of someone who completely understood me, and did not blame me for reacting in the way i did?
thanks mate!
of course there were other friends who i went to for consolation and support. some tried to understand, but gave me alot of directions and PC advice. some just lectured and couldn't understand why i was feeling this way or acting this way. some judged me and used some really insensitive phrases without thinking if they were really applicable to the situation. alot tried to give advice. some totally failed with the advice. the same way parents are totally useless forcing a kid to study, because he obviously won't. i am that kid. you can't direct me from the other side of the fence. you have to come over first.
and then there are those who didnt offer anything at all.
learning lessons all the time.
-------------------------
mun is damn funny, he said: "must wear adidas, impossible is nothing. stop this nike just do it shit. adidas is the way to go."
tickled me. the power of catch phrases.
-------------------------
went home at 3 on friday morning. was super scared of being killed or something because of mistaken identity. i totally looked like a thai foot soldier, with my hairband hair, chang beer singlet, black jeans and slippers, walking through crown.
-------------------------
had dinner at jennifer's house last night. cooked chicken curry. miss home food.
-------------------------
met daniel's colleague at the market today, a local. he said i was a NZer, or at least that i looked polynesian. haha that's a first.
shop keepers speak to me in thai in bangkok. when i bought my mum's com at sitex the salesman thought yuwei and i were from vietnam. i met some guy in spore who asked if i was local. i ask him what he thought i was and he said i looked like a dark korean. (daniel pointed out correctly that there are no dark koreans. just a generalisation)
posted by daniel at 15:41
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