lost

im 21 years old. should it be 21 years old? or 21 years young? why is a kid who has lived for 1 year 1 year old? he should be one year young! this is very confusing. my point is, where should we draw the line between being young and old? or more importantly, what does it mean to be old, and to be young?

the only satifiable answer i can think of is when we are comparing ages. being relatively young or relatively old. but i can't seem to define age in absolute terms.

what led me to this confusing topic, or more concisely, what are you trying to say, daniel tan?

over the past year, and especially the past few months, i have grown into an age and a situation where i feel that i show the most empathy for my fellow man, assume the most responsibility and am the most mature of all people in my life. including the adults in my life.

somehow, i feel that now, at the tender age of 21, i have no one to turn to for advice! u can't turn to adults for advice, because they are experiencing problems worse than i am experiencing. and they are not dealing with them as effectively as i would have dealt with them. they cannot see the obvious solution and deal with the problem. they refuse to see the big picture and are only concerned on their petty differences. and own point of view.

i told gabriel, always be beyond reproach, always be someone who people do not have a reason to dislike, always be the forgiving one. i feel like im behaving too old for my age.

i understand that my action have consequences and repercussions, but i can't make my mother understand that. if you want a reaction from someone, you must do the action that yields that reaction. she cannot understand that even though i've said it like 10 times.

im quite happy that i made a new friend today (notice difference from aquaintance). ruth is doing video form my aunt's company who i am working for, so today we had a meeting, and i sent her home. had a nice talk about life, priorities, decisions, and maybe responsibilites.

i always thought that i could have a senior or mentor to rely on when i have problems. but i realise now my problems are easier to deal with than the problems the adults in my life are facing. and that they are more ill-equipped to deal with problems in life than i am.

will i be like them someday? i hope not. but for now i feel a bit lost. without anyone to turn to for help. but maybe that's the way its supposed to be. that one fine day you have to depend on yourself. not on anyone any longer.